Learning To Love Where You Are

“I am just in a transition”

I can’t tell you how many times I have said that over the last 4 years. I’d run into an old friend from childhood at the store and the inevitable “What are you doing these days?” would come up. I would stammer and stutter and try to explain why my life sometimes feels like it’s come to an ordinary halt.

When I moved into my parent’s house in the winter of 2019, I expected to be here a quick six months. I had been laid off from my job and was trying and failing to find another. I was considering a shift in my career from being in the hospital 24/7, as an in house provider, to a more stable schedule, but I was scared to make the move. I eventually landed a good job with a decent schedule and was finally on track to make my way out of the giant hole of debt that I had accumulated over the years of bad spending habits and little to no paycheck.

Then the pandemic happened.

More change, more shifting, more pivoting and redirection. My stable schedule was erratic and out of control. I was working 60 hour weeks again with little to no extra compensation. I hadn’t had a weekend off in months.

I felt so unstable, so out of sorts. I felt like a boat without an oar. A drifter.

I needed something to hold on to and it was that one little word. Transition. “I’m not here forever.” I would remind myself. “This is just a season.” If I could just fix my eyes on the prize, turn my gaze toward the horizon of “getting there and out of here” I would be okay. Because “transition” meant I was moving. Things were changing, even if I couldn’t see it. I was going somewhere.

The days fell off the calendar and months turned into years and yet, I was still in the same place.

I thought about that word “transition” recently after I finally moved my old desk out of storage and into my room. When I started to limit my time on social media back in March (you can read more about that here) my dreams of writing and blogging resurfaced hard and fast. I had given up blogging when I moved out of my apartment because all of my things were in storage and to be honest, I didn’t feel at home. I didn’t have any space that was truly mine.

I knew deep down though that blogging and writing made me feel alive. It spurred creativity. It brought me joy, even if it didn’t look like I wanted it to look.

So, off to the storage unit I went. I picked up the desk and loaded into the car, got it home and cleaned it up a bit. I had a pair of old dining chairs from my first home in the attic too. I dusted one of them off and added it to the space. Piece by piece, mixing in some old with a little new, I created a home for my creativity.

I am sitting here now as I write this, thinking to myself, I wish I had done this sooner. I held myself back because the desk didn’t look like I wanted it to. It was a shadow of a former life I’d lived and I thought it would bring me sadness. I thought it would remind me of the things I had to give up to get here. I wasn’t where I wanted to be, so what was the point of trying?

But, ships cannot sail for forever. They have to lay anchor eventually even if its just for a period of time. Then the thought occurred to me….if I’m anchored…. I’m not drifting. I’m not being carried away by the whims of a wind I cannot control. I am rooted and present.

For years I felt like being present was like giving up. I had to sacrifice my dreams and ideas for the realities of now. I had to wait to celebrate. But, being present isn’t about giving up at all. It is truly surrendered living. It is focusing in. It is daily bread. (Matt. 6:11)

“You just have to wake up every day and love where you are.”

- Angel Strawbridge

My favorite quote as of late is one that I heard while watching my new favorite show, Escape to the Chateau. Dick and Angel Strawbridge were living in a 2 bedroom flat in the east end of London and traded their fast paced and hustled lifestyle for a 5 story, broken down and dilapidated French chateau.

Episode by episode they go through the house and renovate each room. In one of the episodes, Angel is redoing an original idea she had for some wallpaper because her first idea didn't work out like she had envisioned. (The irony.) She is talking about living in the mess of her renovations while working on making things new….

You just have to wake up every day and love where you are.”

I love this for so many reasons. It is simple but strikingly profound. Learning to love where you are starts with being present. It is a choice. Fixing your eyes on what’s directly in front of you and what you have. This kind of living creates space for gratitude to enter in. It cultivates love, joy, peace and patience.

If you don’t love where you are right now, how can you learn to love it? What can you bring in, take out or keep so that you love the life you have been given, this very moment in the present?

What is your anchor?